The Walking Dead: Lee's axe
by Feedingfrenzy91
Summary: Imagine if we could read the thought's of the axe found at the Motor Inn. What would we see? Spoilers for the Walking Dead episodes 1-3.


_Hmmm… Sometimes I feel like I serve no purpose. Why am I even here? If there was a fire these doors are so flimsy you could just kick them open or wait until a strong breeze went by. Hmmmmm_

_Wait what's that? It's a man stuck behind a car. "Strange looks a little er…. Bony. Hey what you doing there fella? You gonna help hi….. OH MY GOODNESS! You jammed the screw driver in his skull. What The Hell man!_

_Oh wait no… don't touch me… Get your dirty hands off me. _

_Wait where we going….. NO! I was made to break down doors not kill zombies… AWwwwww their bloods all over me. Wait noooooo ….. AWWWW oh my gosh! I think I'm gonna throw up. _

_Hmmmm oh crap she's bitten?! Don't kill her man! Wait don't lean on the railing this place is as shaky as….. AHHHHHHHHHH! Aw that hurt. Told you. Hey where'd that crazy lady go? _

*bang*

_Oh there she is….. er on the ground._

* * *

Back At the Pharmacy

_Whew this is better nice air conditioned store and none of those creeps in here._

"What you messing around with there?"

_Hmmmmm what?... ohh, oh hello there pretty lady. My names Axe. Pay no mind to the unattractive gentleman holding me. Hey Lee! What you doing? She was in to me man. Wait! Why we going outside?_

_OWW! What part of I was made to chop wood don't you understand!? Not zombies not breaking locks on gates, wood just wood._

_Who the crap is this guy? Wait noooooo no don't… Awwww man the bloods all up on me. _

_He's still alive! Wait no not ag….. Awwwwww it's in my wooden part. That's gonna take wee… noooo not…. Awww stopppppppp. This isn't working… Awwwwww their black blood is all cold and sticky. _

_AIM For the HEAD! You moron the body obviously ain't…. Awwwwwwww, I just was all up in his neck. Awwww finally the head. You couldn't have done that initially. I hope you get eaten by that hoard making their way over here._

"…..And Lee, I better take that axe, in case I run into any of them on the way to my truck."

"Here you go."

_Finally I bet this guy will use me much better. _

_Hmm those guys are taking a while. Wait… that's Lee! Yeah! Let him die. Wait what noooooo… let him….. Awwwwww man here hair is stuck to me… Why couldn't you just let him die?_

* * *

Hunting in Episode 2

_I gotta say you get used to the brain after a while._

_Hmmmm Another day another hunt for no food. Oh wow a raven! Wait don't let him shoot it he where's glasses for a reason._

*bang*

_Told ya he couldn't hit a…_

"AH!"

_Wow that's one way to kill my eardrums. Oh my Goodness! His leg is stuck. Wait no…. not the chain. _

_OW! You idiot I can't cut through that… OW! Again with the chain it's not gonna….. AHHH! You moron!_

"Lee I've seen those chains before that won't work."

_THANK YOU! Four eyes I always knew you were the smart…. Wait not the tree…. Ahhh! I'm so gonna kill you LEE! You think I can cut down that tre….. OW! Seriously I'm going to fall on your head while you sleep._

_Now what….. Why are you hovering over him li… oh no… oh no… don't you dar… AWwwwwww! Man it's all slimy… Awwwww no not again and you didn't even cut through the bon… AWWWWWWWW! I think I tasted a capillary…. AWWWWWW man! Human blood is definitely worse than walker blood. Definitely!_

* * *

Back at the Motor Inn

_Whew so glad to be back. He Lee I need you to wash me at that lake man. Lee where are you going? I said wash me at the lake!_

"Need any help with the wall?"

_No, no Lee I said lake, not help._

"Actually, We could use your axe. You mind if we take it."

"Yeah, give us that thing for a bit."

_Oh my! No give me to four eyes not that old grouch. Lee, Lee are you listening!?_

"Here, Larry."

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh Lee ow! Stupid nails ow! I'm gonna kill you Lee ow!_

_Larry stop already!_

"The axe now!"

_That Lee? Wow that teacher came back. Good for him. Yeah bite Lee's head off come on. Wait Why are we getting closer? No, No Larry you can't aim. AHH!H!HH!HH!H!H!H!HH!H!HH!H!H!H!H!H!HH! that was glass…. AHA!H!AHAH! it's in my eyes! _

_Give me back to Lee! _

_Lee! Don't you ever! Lend me to anyone again!_

* * *

Episode 3

_Ooo this feels nice. I'm certainly been enjoying the downtime. Ever since they came back from that dairy things have been easy. Oh nice to just rest my head an…_

*bang bang bang*

_What the? Sounds like a battle. Oh well guess the downtime wasn't going to last forever._

*Engine starts and tires screech*

_HMM where are they going? Um Guys!? Did you forget about the axe._

"Crap! They got away. Anyway let's check these rooms see what we got."

_Who's that? What's with the mask?_

"Oh now what do we have here. Hey guys I found an axe!"

_Put me down this instant!_

"Hey let me see that. Wow this thing ain't bad."

_Come on Lee. Where are you?_

"Hey guys look what we found."

_Stop passing me around…. This isn't hot potato._

"This is great now we can finally get to gardening. Just have to use this to cut up that compost pile so we could start fertilization."

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

**A/N Thanks to all who made it to the end. I was writing my other fanfiction and God just gave me this idea. Hope it was funny.**

**Thanks again and God bless**


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